(no subject)

[Filter: Private, in Kilian]

After all these years of running, this is what I make myself. This is the path I choose. I'll still die. I don't even know if he'll keep his oath, if Arwen will live, but I will die, and she'll see it happen, if he's half the monster he seems. She'll watch me die, and I'll be a traitor after all, and bringing an innocent man along with me to die at my side.

I'll be a traitor and I'll be a murderer. After so many years of running I'll just be a monster, won't I?

I -- thought

I don't have a choice. It doesn't matter what he says about having a choice to leave her. How is that a choice? Leave her to die, leave my parents with another dead child to mourn and have no body for. How is that a choice. I -- can't do that to them. That's not a choice. I can't sign Arwen off to death at the hands of a -- a monster. That's not

After all these years this is the legacy I will leave for myself. What was I thinking to ever leave in the first place. Who did I think I was saving. What idiotic standard did I think I was setting?

I



[inkblot]